


Investment Opportunity

by visionshadows



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Embarrassed Sidney, Humor, Jagr Posters are Dangerous, M/M, Parental Support, Parents talking about sex, Russian Mama Phone Tree, Sidney's gay and that's awesome!, Skype is dangerous, accidental proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-07 18:50:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionshadows/pseuds/visionshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sidney's parents are supportive. VERY supportive actually. Sidney kind of wants to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Investment Opportunity

Sid rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, looking over at Geno who is sprawled on the other side of his bed, wearing a pair of Sid's too short sweats and a threadbare Pens t-shirt. Geno looks at him over the top of his glasses (Sid hates when he does that because hello - Geno in glasses) innocently, pausing in his furious texting with Nealsy. 

"So," Sid says carefully. "I'm going to Skype my parents now."

"Okay. I be quiet."

"No, that's ..." Sid huffs out a breath. "They don't know about you."

Geno looks slightly hurt, but nods. "It's okay. You don't have to tell if they're not supportive."

"That's not quite the problem. They're ... they get overly invested."

Geno raises an eyebrow, putting his phone down. "They know you're gay?"

Sid nods, looking embarrassed. "It's just easier if they don't know I'm dating anyone. Trust me."

Geno shrugs a little and picks his phone back up. "I won't make noise."

Sid hangs his head a little, but it is really easier not to argue with Geno sometimes. He can get through one Skype chat with his parents with Geno nearby. Or he could go into the den to Skype them. He reaches for his laptop, hoping to sneak out, but Geno hooks Sidney’s leg with one of his own and he’s so trapped.

"Oh Sidney," Trina says with a happy expression. "I was worried you wouldn't have time today to call."

"I call every Sunday, Mom." Sid smiles at her warmly, kissing his fingertips and pressing them against the screen gently.

Troy's face entered the screen. "You could have been busy."

"With what?" asks Sidney. "We've got a home game tonight, it's after morning skate and before lunch. This is when I always call."

"I was talking to Maxime the other day -"

"Mom," Sid interrupts. "I’ve told you not to believe anything Max says."

"Maxime is a nice boy. I never understood why you broke up with him," Troy chides him. "And he's always so nice when he calls your mother."

"He said that he heard from Marc-Andre who heard from Taylor that you were dating someone. And I know you tell Taylor everything and make her promise not to tell us."

"Wait, when does Taylor talk to Flower?" asks Sid a little desperately, ignoring the routine Max dig which hello, they never dated. It’s Max. Sid should fake his connection going out before this gets worse. Geno's put his phone down because this is obviously more interesting than anything Nealsy is doing and Sid is definitely going to pay for this.

"They text," Troy says with a shrug. "Goalie stuff. I think she practices her French with him as well."

"Oh god." He’s going to have to kill Flower now. Who knows what she’s been learning from him.

"Now this boy you're dating. What is he like?"

"I'm not dating anyone," Sid whines.

"You always say that. You're still saying that about Greg."

"I've told you a thousand times, we were working on a history project together and we were thirteen! I never dated Greg."

"I know you like butch men most of the time - "

Troy cuts in. "- Jack was not butch when they dated. He was much twinkier."

Sid groans. He never dated Jack either.

"Yes, but remember that poster of Jaromir Jagr that he has up in his room? Jagr is very butchy and pretty hairy as well." Trina turns to look at him again. "Do you like them hairy?"

"Mom - " Sid says weakly, his ears turning red. Geno is covering his mouth with his hand, his shoulders shaking with laughter.

"Is he a top? Does he know you like to top too?"

"You make sure he uses protection," Troy says firmly. "I'll talk to him if he has a problem with it."

"And make sure he knows to call us Mom and Dad," Trina says, wagging a finger at Sid. 

Sid covers his face with his hands and lets out a low groan. "I hate you both. Why do you do this to me? Can’t we talk about hockey instead of my sex life?"

Geno lets out a bark of laughter at that and Trina and Troy immediately perk up. "Is he there? Sidney Patrick Crosby, how dare you not introduce him to your parents! We raised you better than that."

Sid really wants his bed to open up and swallow him whole. That sounds fantastic right now. Geno pops his face in front of the laptop much to Sid's complete dismay. "Hi Mom and Dad!"

Troy and Trina stare at the camera, both of them with wide eyes.

"... Evgeni?"

"You promised,” Sid whines, pushing Geno away. "He's just visiting."

"Oh this is wonderful!" Trina cries out happily, clapping her hands together. "We always hoped the two of you would realize that you were meant to be!"

"Wait - what?" asks Sid.

"We've always liked Evgeni. Such a good, upstanding young man from a good family. And he's wonderful at hockey," Troy sounds as delighted as Trina. "He's a great match for you."

"I'm best," Geno grins, apparently not sensing the fact that Sid was going to kill him slowly, painfully, and possible with a hockey skate. He definitely has easy access to them.

"Now Sidney likes to switch so you make sure that he gets plenty of time on top as well," Trina says, wagging her finger at Geno now. 

Geno looks at Sid, who is bright red and possibly turning into a tomato. "He pushy bottom."

“Geno!”

"Sidney!" Trina scowls. "That's not polite of you."

"Kill me."

"Do your parents know?" asks Troy, leaning forward. 

"They know about Sid," Geno confirms. "Not that he pushy bottom though."

"Oh I have to call Natalia. She is going to be so excited," Trina says, blowing a kiss at the two of them.

"Mama don't speak English," Geno calls out after her, even as Trina is dialing the phone. "Not going to understand you - "

He shuts up immediately as Trina starts to talk in fast, excited Russian, walking away from the computer. Sid stares at Geno, his jaw dropped.

"Dad, when did Mom learn Russian?"

"Years ago," Troy waves a dismissive hand. "She had to to talk to Natalia. Tatyana speaks English well enough, but she's really the only one."

"Wait - " Geno holds up a hand. "She part of Russian Mama Phone Tree?"

Troy nods and Geno looks contemplative. "Explains a lot."

"What?" asks Sid faintly. Death is honestly the best choice right now. It would be noble. Everyone would completely understand.

"My Mama always seems to know stuff before I tell her. If you tell your Mom and she tells my Mama when they talk that how she know. And how Sanja know everything too. I always thought it was Seryozha."

"She's gossiping with Russians? Is there anything I've told you guys that you haven't told the Russians? It’s an Olympic year! They’re the enemy."

"Oh lots," Troy laughs. "Relax, Sid. It's harmless gossip. It makes her happy. We would never reveal any hockey secrets to the Russians."

Sid drops his head into his hands, sighing heavily. "Please don't let her tell Geno's mom I'm a pushy bottom. I really don't need Ovechkin to find out about that."

Troy leans out of the frame, shouting to Trina not to tell Natalia about Sid's sexual preferences. Sid looks over at Geno who looks a little stunned. "I told you they get overly invested."

"I have no idea it like this," Geno admits.

"Now," Troy says easily. "I'm assuming you both are coming for Thanksgiving in two weeks. We'll make up your bedroom, get new condoms and lube. Should I leave the Jagr poster up?"

"It doesn’t matter," Sid says weakly still hiding his face in his hands. "I should go. We have to plan some stuff."

Troy beams happily. "When is the wedding? I'll call Pastor Jym and see when she's available. May is wonderful up here." He makes a face and shakes his head. "No, not May. You'll be in the playoffs. Late August would be best. Before you go back to training camp. We'll get started on that for you. I'm sure Trina and Natalia want to help make all of the plans. Talk to you both later. If I call now, Pastor Jym should be available. Don't want to lose our date!"

Troy disconnects and Sid falls backwards and attempts to smother himself with a pillow. Geno shuts the laptop slowly before pulling the pillow of Sid's face.

"They had a party with my entire family when I came out," Sid moans. "There was a banner and rainbow cake, Geno. She knits my boyfriends, real or ones she's invented like Max, sweaters for Christmas. They're hideous and now you're going to have to wear it whether you like it or not. They're going to want to know about our sex life and whether we've gotten to the point of not wearing condoms. And she's going to tell the Russians all about it. Including your mother."

"I think we getting married in August, Sid."

Sid sighs heavily. "It's a really progressive church. Pastor Jym used to be a man."

"Did your father just propose for you?"

Sid looks at Geno, his expression miserable. "I wanted to plan our wedding."

"Mama going to be so thrilled," Geno says reluctantly. 

"Do you want to get married? asks Sid.

"Bad proposal," Geno pokes him in the side. "You not romance me enough before your father propose to me and start planning our wedding."

"At least I want to marry you."

Geno looks at him in surprise. "When you going to tell me that?"

"Um ... eventually. When we've been dating longer that two months." Sid blinks. "I don't like rushing into things."

"Too bad," Geno says with a shrug. "Wedding date already picked out. Have to marry now."

"So will you marry me in August in Nova Scotia since that's apparently being planned for us?"

"We not wearing white."

"Dear god no. Black is good."

"Jeffrey ring bearer."

"I'm fine with that."

Geno purses his lips. "Okay, then yes. We get married in Nova Scotia in August."

"We're not inviting Ovechkin."

"Oh no. You marry one Russian hockey player, you marry us all."

Sid looks alarmed. "But I only want to marry you!"

"Sanja coming to wedding. He going to get drunk, cry, and call you his brother. You thank him and give him more vodka and never, ever tease him about it."

Sid grabs the pillow again and goes back to attempting to smother himself. All he had wanted to do was have his weekly chat with his parents about hockey and take a long nap with Geno curled around him. Instead his father proposes for him, his mother’s chatting with Russians about god knows what, and he’s going to be Ovechkin’s brother come August.

Geno pulls the pillow away again and kisses Sid softly. Sid kisses him back and thinks that at least it’s Geno. He can do anything for Geno.

**Author's Note:**

> So there's this fandom trope where Troy and Trina Crosby don't support Sidney when he comes out and they're the bad guys often. Hey, I did it in HJBaP. 
> 
> This is the opposite of that. Think Debbie in QaF.
> 
> This came about while I was waiting for my son to fall asleep last night when I started to think about that and the scene in the movie 'Jeffrey' popped into my head where he was on the phone with his parents and they don't stop talking about his sex life. This happened much to my husband's chagrin since I was still typing when he was trying to fall asleep. 
> 
> Sidney's parents love him! And want him to have ALL the sex!


End file.
